


To just be myself

by Thrandu



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: How exciting, Other, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Trans Male Character, Trans Peter Parker, Transgender, i can't write, may add more tags, please stick with me anyway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-25 12:05:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12035541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thrandu/pseuds/Thrandu
Summary: After seeing Homecoming, I discovered the Trans Peter Parker tag and fell in love with it. As I recently came out to myself as trans, after trying to ignore my feelings for a long time, parts of this are based on my own feelings and experiences. Though of course everyone has their own experiences, so if anything in this work is incorrect towards the trans* community, please let me know. I am still new here.This is all I've written so far, but I will do my best to continue this quickly!





	1. I.

The alarm rang and Peter Parkers' eyes snapped open.

For a moment, some sweet seconds of sleepiness and not quite knowing, what was going on, he felt good.

  
Not over-the-top good, but just good. Content. The way, everyone wanted to feel.

 

  
Unfortunately, that feeling didn't last for very long, and before he could actually enjoy it, realisation dawned on him. His aunt Mays' call of "Georgia, get up please! You don't want to be late for school" didn't really help with that.

 

Right. This wasn't a dream world. No one knew. Nor would they probably for a long time.

 

Swallowing hard, Peter pushed back his Thor-print covers and trotted over to the closet. Lifting the small pile of shirts, the teen carefully grabbed the hidden binder. Simple and nude-coloured, he had saved his meager pocket money for weeks in order to afford it. After quickly taking off the baggy shirt he had slept in and gently pulling the binder over his chest, he breathed out, relief setting in. He knew, binding more than eight hours a day was dangerous, but he wished he would never have to take the fabric off again.

It was ironic. When he had gotten his powers two years ago, he'd never have believed that one day, being Spiderman wasn't going to be his biggest secret. He had always known that he was no "conventional" girl, had been almost pleased when the media dubbed him 'SpiderMAN', but always pushed that specific thought to the back of his mind. Until at some point, he couldn't anymore. His body, now fully developed, disgusted him more and more every day. Breasts and periods and female pronouns became his personal hell. There was no denying it anymore. He wasn't Georgia. He'd never been.

 

But what was there to do? His aunt would never be able to afford hormones, therapy or let alone surgery. Assuming, that she would even understand. He loved May, but what if she would just think of it as a phase? Not accept him? Kick him out? No way he was risking that.

  
So he tried his best to make it anyways, but every day it got harder. That binder had been the first thing to give him hope in a long time. Make him hate his body a little less. It wasn't much, but it was something.

 

 

"Georgia! Come on, honey, you're going to be late!", his aunts shout interrupted his thoughts. Suddenly panicked she would see him like this, in just a binder and boxershorts, the teen scrambled for a hoodie - bless autumn and thus his ability to hide his body underneath oversized clothing - and some pants. Just as he'd thrown both on, the door opened and May appeared. "Sweetie, seriously, it's almost time to leave and you haven't had breakfast yet."

Peter looked at her, her eyes caring and honest, and he felt a sting in his chest. Hiding both his true identities from her pained him, but as much as he didn't want to lie, there was no other way. Her life wasn't easy as it was already. She didn't need the added pressure of having to handle her transgender nephews problems.

 

"Sorry May, coming!" He flashed a fake smile, that was far too convincing from years of practice.

 

Time, to face to world.

  
Great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading the first chapter! (Or prelude)(It's really short)(Sorry).  
> Leave a comment and a bookmark and I'll try not to disappoint! (wtf) (I AM a disappointment so how's that gonna work).  
> Till next time! :)  
> Aidan


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, welcome back!
> 
> I am overjoyed at the response this has already gotten, so here's a big thank you to all the lovely peeps that left kudos, comments, and subscriptions!
> 
> Today, as promised (kind of) you get a bit more than 500 words. It's 1500! (Almost). (I just can't whack out 8k chapters, how do some people do it?? Must be witchcraft..)
> 
> On the personal side, since the first chapter I have come out the first person that isn't myself, my best friend, and he took it so perfectly I cried like 10 litres. (I am not good at estimating, but something around that). Yay! Just a little step, but I am very happy and relieved :)
> 
> Enjoy the result!  
> (More blah blah at the end if this). (I am an only child, okay, I gotta talk to someone^^).

The bus ride this morning was a particularly uncomfortable one. Not only because, of course, there had not been enough time to have breakfast and Peter's stomach was rumbling subtly but noticeably, but also because Ned wasn't there.

  
'Sorry G, caught one of those 72-hour viruses somewhere. Will be back at the end of the week if I survive this', he had texted Peter as the teen had left the apartment.

 

It wasn't, that Peter couldn't ride a bus on his own. He was 17, for gods sake. Unfortunately though, he was not the only one to do so.

 

"Hey Georgina, why all bundled up? You've got nothing to hide!" Flash's voice greeted Peter as he stepped into the vehicle. He flinched and instinctively pulled up his shoulders, turning away from the voice. Someone else might have felt flattered at Flash's remark, but what it did for Peter was the exact opposite. Reminding him of those lumps on what should be a flat chest, or the natural soft curves in place of sharp, narrow hips. In computer game language: +20 dysphoria.

 

This was gonna be a great day.

 

  
Seven hours later, he had almost gotten through yet another day of cringing at pronouns and bathroom choices. Despite the latter one being obvious, as getting beaten up wasn't really his dream, it still felt wrong.

  
Just as his desire to leave and get home couldn't get any stronger, the school bell finally rang. With a little sprint - being Spiderman did have its advantages in real life as well - he fled the classroom and school grounds. Deciding, that his self-esteem wouldn't handle another bus ride, he kept up some of the previous speed and jogged home.

After reaching the apartment and slamming his door shut, he took some deep breaths. Or, as deep as you could whilst a fucking layer of tight cotton was squishing your rib cage together. Exercise plus binder was never a good idea, something he tended to forget or ignore.  
Peter shuffled over to his closet and, once more, reached underneath a pile of clothing - he really needed some more original hiding places - to pull out his Spiderman outfit.  
Slumping back onto his bed, he ran his hands over the fabric, still breathing deeply.

 

Back when he first got his powers, Peter had believed it was the people, who needed Spiderman. A friendly neighbourhood spider, to watch over and assist them.

 

But ever since he had come out, even if just to himself, the tides had turned.  
Now, he needed Spiderman. The suit, however simple it was, has become his safe haven, his protective shell after an especially bad day. When he was out wearing it, no one questioned him. There were no female pronouns and neither 'Georgina' nor 'Miss Parker' calls. Life was good, at those times.

 

  
That's when a sharp cough cut through the room.

 

  
"Sorry to interrupt your little.. uh.. bonding session with that sweatshirt there, but some of us have work to get back to."

 

Peter's eyes widened, having spun around at the cough he was now standing next to his bed, clutching the sweater behind his back, even though hiding it was more than useless.

A moment of awkward silence passed, as Tony Stark stepped out of the corner he'd been standing in. "So you're that Spider.. thing.. boy, huh? Queen's friendly neighbourhood arachnid?"

 

Peter, finally having regained control over his body and voice considered denying everything for a second, but what point was there? Tony Stark, Iron Man, Genius Billionaire wasn't here on a guess. "I- I uh.. I-... yeah. I'm.. Peter." Shit, could his voice be any higher? "Mr Stark.. wh- why are you here? I'm not doing anything bad. I just want to help... ."

Tony suddenly laughed, ripping Peter out of his frozen "oh shit, why is there a Superhero in my bedroom" form. "Relax, kiddo. I'm not here to hurt you.  
I want to help you."

 

 

The next hour was sort of a blur to Peter. After that odd first encounter, they had sat down in the living room and Mr. Stark asked him about how he got his powers, what exactly he could do and so on. Though he was worried about the older man bringing up that Peter quite obviously lacked some male features, it was a relief to finally talk about at least one of his secrets. At some point Tony even moved on to building him an actual suit, at which Peter choked mildly; a real suit built by the head of Stark Industries? How amazing would that be?!

They could have gone on and on, seeing as Mr. Stark apparently didn't really have to head back to work, but then Peter heard a key turn in the lock and froze.

  
May.  
Crap.

 

  
The door opened and his aunt stepped in, not actually looking at the couch Peter and Tony were sitting on, giving the teen a moment to regain his composure before, as calmly and innocently as possible, he greeted her. "Heyyy.. Aunt May. How was your day?" As expected, her response "Busy, Georgia, but good. How about yours?" resulted in a fairly confused look from Mr. Stark. Too panicked about this situation ending with more than one unplanned outing, he shot the Billionaire a pleading, apologetic glance, hoping he would just go with the name change.

"Georgia?" his aunt now repeated, and as she turned to face the couch her face resembled Peters, when he had met Mr. Stark earlier. "Georgia, what is Tony Stark doing in our living room?"

Peter was about to stutter out some form of hardly believable explanation, when Stark pitched in, his voice calm and leaving no space for doubt. "I am so sorry to surprise you here like this, Mrs. Parker. I was about to leave, after talking to your niece about her role as a future intern at Stark Industries." Peter looked up in surprise. This was brilliant, creating a possibility to actually cover up his patrols in a reasonable way. 'Of course it's brilliant', he reminded himself. Tony Stark was brilliant.

May's eyes went even wider. "An internship? Why didn't you tell me about this, honey?"  
All Peter could muster up was an awkward smile, murmuring something about "not expecting to be chosen for the program", as Tony got up to shake May's hand, assuring her she would soon receive detailed information about everything concerning her 'nieces' internship, then excusing himself from the situation.

Seemed like being a superhero didn't necessarily mean one felt like handling confused aunts. Fair enough.

  
"I'll email you the details tonight, Parker." Mr. Stark gave a quick wave and closed the door behind him.

 

'Parker', not 'Georgie'.

 

Had he just implied that Peter's birth name didn't matter to him? More importantly, had Peter - in a way - just come out to Iron Man? THE Iron Man? Oh boy. Oh. BOY.

 

  
Two hours later, after a fairly long and fairly uncomfortable explanation as to what the tech genius had been talking about - Peter made up something about a science mentor program he'd applied for ages ago - he could finally return to his room.

Carefully removing the binder after almost 11 hours, far too long to be safe, he took a deep breath, avoiding to look down on his body. There were days when he managed to almost not care about his breasts and just see them as useless tissue, but today certainly wasn't one of these days.

He could feel the anxiety and dysphoria, just waiting to burst into his mind and body, like an ice-cold shower on an already freezing winter day.  
Peter hastily reached for his baggy sleeping shirt and slipped it on, before walking over to the bathroom. As always, he avoided looking into the mirror as he brushed his teeth and splashed some water onto his face. It would be long until it showed Peter his true self. If it was ever going to.

 

The teen returned to his room, wishing May a good night on his way. Settling into bed, he unlocked his phone to find a new email. Sender: Stark Industries. Biting his lip anxiously, he opened it.

 

_Hi Peter,_

_I'm picking you up tomorrow after school to start working on a suit. Can't have a New York superhero swinging around like this. Meet me at the carpark._

 

_Tony Stark_

 

_P.S.: Please burn that hoodie._

 

 

That night, Peter dreamt of himself and Iron Man, saving the world side by side.

It was a good dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I wasn't actually planning on introducing Tony so quickly, but I love him, so duh. Please complain (politely, because I am soft and cry easily) if he's ooc! (I have never written him before^^).
> 
> Catch y'all soon for Chapter 3!  
> Love, Aidan.


End file.
